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Is it really June already? 2020 came barreling through the front doors with not a single F to give and has been telling everyone around the world to sit down, we have to have a talk.

At the beginning of the year, there were threats of wars. Then Covid-19 decided to come to the table and said guys, hold my beer. And now we’re in the midst of such a powerful, and sometimes violent, movement. One that needs to be discussed, that needs to have action taken, and cannot have silent voices.

My Mental Health

I’ve been quiet on a lot of topics lately, and quite frankly its because I am not in a good place mentally. It’s pretty dark in here. The nightmares have come back, the physical pain I’ve been in has increased, the migraines… geez. Stress levels are through the roof, and I have no motivation, for anything.

I find myself in bed more than I’d like to admit. I’m unmotivated to do the things I love to do, to be with the people I want to spend time with (and no, this is not due to social distancing, this is the family I live with). I block everyone out. I block the creativity out. I block the happy out.

I know I better. I just can’t seem to figure it out. I can’t turn it around, and some days, I quite frankly just don’t care.

I’ve been in bad places mentally before. I’ve wanted to quit before. This…. this is different. I feel different. Hopeless? Maybe. Sad? Absolutely. I’m in the midst of it and haven’t figured a way out just yet.

We all go through the waves of emotions through this journey of parenting, but sometimes it just doesn’t have anything to do with parenting. Sometimes these feelings are just there, no rhyme or reason for it.

This Too Shall… wait a minute.

I wish I could say this too shall pass. Honestly, I hate that saying. Especially with the way our lives are, and the futures yet to be written.

Maybe things will get better sooner, rather than later. I will write to you today to tell you that if you are feeling the way I am right now. Reach out for help. With your friends, family, or me. Reach out to a professional who can help you with these emotions and make sure to put your mental health first. I am doing that. I am reaching out for help, using my lifelines. I know I need it.

I’m tired of being in the dark. I want to see that sunshine again. It’s time to feel the motivation to do things, to write, to create. It’s time for happiness. The world is dark enough right now, let’s let some light shine through.

Current Events

For those who have reached out and asked where I stand on current events in the world… For Covid-19, stay home. Protect those in your life who need it, who are fragile and who need our protection. I believe that those people who want to go out in public, who want to work (and who need to) should absolutely provide for their family and have that right. I will protect my family, and especially Riley, as this family sees fit.

For #blacklivesmatter. Law enforcement is not above the law they are sworn to uphold, and should be held accountable for their actions.

I will stand up for those protesting their rights and fighting for change. Change needs to occur. We, all of us, need to stand up for Black Lives, we need to stand for change. These lives matter.

And for those who only say all lives matter, while I agree that all lives matter, some need a little more attention right now. For instance, you want to protect your city. Though one of those buildings in that city is on fire right now. You don’t say protect all the buildings, you send help to that building that’s burning right now. That’s why #blacklivesmatter.

Blue Lives matter as well. The majority of law enforcement are good people protecting all of us. There needs to be a change made to make sure that those in law enforcement are held to a standard that not only upholds the law but stays within the law itself. And when that doesn’t occur, actions are taken.

Stress for All

What does all of this mean? It means a lot of stress for everyone. Most of the protests occurring are peaceful, but you worry. I worry. We are currently living in an emotionally charged world that can easily ignite.

So I say this again. Get the help you need. You need to be healthy yourself before you can be out there helping others. Reach out. Use your lifelines and be mentally healthy.

We’re all hurting, let’s make the changes we need.

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Sara is a mother of two, wife and full-time employee. She's also a parent of a child with special needs.